The Emerald Girl

casual. classic. curious.

Sunday, October 13, 2019

About savoring time with my kids


This is the last school year with my little girl at home. Next year, she'll be off to kindergarten and our life will look completely different. Next year will bring a lot of big changes. Most of which, I feel like I'm waiting for. I see them on the horizon; I want to prepare for them as much as possible; Because I know they're coming, I kind of just want to get there. So how do I thrive in this period that feels like just a lot of waiting? Waiting for things to change, waiting for things to begin.

It's so funny how much I want to just get there, to the change, while simultaneously wanting to savor this last year with my baby girl at home. Just me and her. It's even funnier how much I've wished to be through these hard years with babies, just surviving, but now that they're almost all gone I'm missing them and have begun to deeply understand how fleeting childhood is.

All I want to do is gobble up these years where the kids love all the cute, fun little kid things. The sweet holiday decorations, the days of making simple art, the darling clothes, the days when I can still pick out what they wear, the constant demand for cuddles at the end of the day, the hundreds of times they get out of bed to tell me something or give me a hug, just their sweet, sweet nature.

It seems like I could forego the good changes the future holds just to stay in these little years forever. Such is everything in my life. I get so focused on the end result that I forget to savor the moments in between. A trait I've loathed about myself for at least the past decade. Though I've been learning to savor small things: like family vacations to Palm Springs and warm summer days. Perhaps through learning to savor the small things, I can savor this seemingly long school year knowing I'll never have another year like this because we can't turn back time.

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