The Emerald Girl

casual. classic. curious.

Monday, September 9, 2019

About having hard conversations

You know all those things that feel confrontational so you just never address them? Ya, those things. If being an adult means you can handle what feels like hard convos, then I seriously suck. (For another post but this is why I don't feel like an adult, I thought adults had stuff figured out and under control - hint: just an illusion). However, I recently did have a hard conversation and I'll fill you in on the secret to what finally gave me the courage to speak up.

A person, who shall remain anonymous, was unknowingly driving me absolutely insane. I want to emphasize the word "unknowingly". The better side of me knew that this person did not know how they were effecting me although after days that turned into weeks of them continuing in the unbearable behavior, I had fabricated an entire story in my head about how and why this person was trying to ruin my life. I couldn't take it. I wanted to run away.

I either had to run away and never return or I had to face it head on. Instead of letting the false story of how this person wanted to drive me crazy so that I would leave continue on any more, I told myself a new story. A story that sounded more rationale and level headed. The story of me leaving. If I left, that person who was unknowingly driving me insane would ask me one question. That question was: why didn't you just tell me so I could stop? That's when I knew, I had to confront this person. Confront is really too harsh of a word. I mean people annoy other people all the time or do things without thinking all the time and with no ill intentions and we, the human race, should be able to talk to each other about things. Is there a lesser word for confront?

So I did. I was nervous. My eyes looked down. But I did it! The person I was speaking with was so receptive to what I was saying and had no clue and was glad that I told them.

The lesson is to give people the benefit of the doubt. First imagine they are just as reasonable as you and how you would respond if you were them. That can give you the courage you need to proceed because we shouldn't be running away from our problems. We're supposed to learn how to deal with one another with love and grace. Now I have a tiny bit more confidence in myself and can lean back on this experience in the future when I need to.



***Curious minds: this is not about any of my friends or family members***

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