The Emerald Girl

casual. classic. curious.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Finding Confidence

It seems like I've spent my whole life defining myself by how I compare to others. I've based all of my confidence in how I think I measure up in life.

If comparison is the thief of all joy then I have literally robbed myself of the past 7 years by comparing myself to everyone around me physically and virtually. If I'm being really honest, I've probably allowed comparison to rob me of more than half of my life.

I've defined myself by the rejection I have received from others and the rejection I have perceived from the world. I'm hyper focused on what's wrong with me. I've only now just begun to realize this. I'm beginning to realize that I've been believing a big, fat lie about who I am and that it is so deeply ingrained into who I think I am that I truly cannot see the real me. Believing that I am unlovable, unworthy, uncool, weird in a bad way, not pretty enough, not smart enough. These are not things that make life easy. Paralyzing.

Or if I don't receive praise then I somehow think that equates to me not being good enough or worthy. Or if someone doesn't text/email me back, there is something wrong with me.

Comparison is a beast. I don't want to live my life that way. My value is not made up off all the things that I am not. We're not meant to compare our life to another. Lives are not comparable. Here's a thought: if our own siblings can turn out so drastically different then us, how much more different is everyone else? There's a comparison epidemic. This train has got to turn around for I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).

A new daily challenge for me will be to stop lying to myself. When I feel those deprecating, worthless thoughts start to creep in, I will turn to the truth instead.

No comments:

Post a Comment