The Emerald Girl

casual. classic. curious.

Friday, July 8, 2016

Hearing that small voice

I want to write a movie. I want to write a movie about the broken families in America and the next generation that vows to make a different life for their kids.  And I've always wanted to write a movie about overcoming my drug addiction. A lot of people can relate to drug use and abuse. It's brokenness in my own life and it's God as my strength that has taken away my addiction. I want to write a story of hope. And a story that explains the mental disease of addiction in a meaningful way that makes a difference in the next generation.

I've been watching Million Dollar Listing New York as I do and I love Luis. His genuine optimism and zest for life is infectious. I will be sad to see him leave the show. But that egging feeling he has expressed throughout this season, that something is not right, not being able to put a finger on it. I've felt that. I've felt that for years. 

Since graduating college seven years ago and entering the workforce - It never felt complete. I was awarded for my hardworking achievement and, while it always feels nice to be recognized, I kind of felt like, yeah ok I can do this but it's not challenging. It's not pushing me. I'm not providing value in a way that is deeply meaningful to me and that's never been enough for myself. 

I tried pursuing photography. And I have loved it. It has definitely challenged me in ways I've never been challenged before. I went from knowing nothing about photography to shooting over 20 weddings and countless family sessions. 

I've always loved writing. 

Or making crafty things. Using scissors to make collages. 

I don't know. I sit here still and wonder what it is. Can I do something great like that? Can I write the story?

I often wonder maybe I'm just supposed to learn to be content. That God wants me to be happy no matter what. Which is true but He also gives us desires and dreams and He doesn't want those to be ignored. I've wanted to tell my story for a decade. I've started and stopped because I don't want to face into that ugly person I was. God tells me I'm a new creation in Christ. I have been washed clean. I am not that person. I am not the person I was when I was 18. I need to be able to tell this story to help others. Why else do we go through hard times if not to be able to relate?

So I dunno, Luis D. Ortiz. I don't know, kid. I'm feeling inspired to keep going after whatever it is inside of me. Go for it. Because why not? Go for it because I am not living to please others or live in fear of what others may think or live small because I don't want to make others feel bad about who they are. I've got to step out of my own way. 

1 comment:

  1. That would be so cool if you wrote a screen play. Thanks for visiting my blog