The Emerald Girl

casual. classic. curious.

Monday, February 1, 2016

What is a Home?

I've been thinking a lot about what "home" is. Since being forced to move this last summer, I'm apparently still very unsettled about the matter. Still hurt and shaken up. I think about what home means to me. A place of my own, security, comfort, shelter, stable. Home is known and familiar. Home is not a certain type of place. It's not a house you own, a rental, a camp, a co-op, a hotel, etc. My sister told me once that a 'home birth' is not necessarily a birth in your physical living place. It's a birth in the place where you are the most comfortable. Understanding this concept of home is coming from a place of pain and loss. It sounds so trivial to say given my life of privilege. I lost the place I thought was all of those things. I lost the place I thought was my comfort and security. The place I knew and could count on. It's a hard blow to realize I've been putting my hope for security and stability in a rental property. The thought had not occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to live there for as long as I wanted.

Anyway, I've been realized God is trying to teach me something good out of this pain. Out of this lost and unsettled feeling. This life is temporary and is fading away. My home is not here.

OK, so that's like a Christian concept that most people would wonder if I'm coocoo but even so. Life is temporary. We're not guaranteed even tomorrow. No one. So my hope and security and stability can not be based on something that is sure to pass away. I get it. Like, I understand this concept but living it out is an entirely different story. I'll get there, I'm sure. Not now. I like to mope about when I don't get what I want. I'm paying for it twice.

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