The Emerald Girl

casual. classic. curious.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

The Biggest Let Down of the Year

What's being going on? I definitely feel like I have been running around with my head cut off the last few weeks and by the time I get home I have nothing left to give. I've been supporting three teams at work. We just hired my replacement so that I will be able to solely focus on my new team as an account associate (which might sound fancier than it is). In the mean time I am training my replacement. There simply is not enough time in the day to all that I need to do at my day job that pays the bills.

But let's back track. Awhile back, maybe 2 or 3 months, a mom friend of mine was offering to get me a sweet, dream job at a huge tech company.  Yesterday, I was thrown for a loop when she told me that she gave her job away to someone else. I will admit that I spent the evening on and off crying. I couldn't believe that after she knew how much I had wanted that job and how much she had made an effort to help get me a job there that she didn't even tell me when she was going to pass her job on to someone else. It is beyond frustrating to just feel like you work your ass off and strive everyday to do better and be better to get the life you dream of and always end the day feeling like that life you dream of is never going to be attainable. That big breaks happen for other people but not for you. On top of all of that, I thought this friendship was starting to develop into more than just basic meet the park level friendship and now I realize it's not. And now at this point I'm especially not interested. Honestly, I feel like a complete loser.

Guilt. That's the feeling I get for feeling so sorry for myself. Guilt. Ugly, black, dark and hopeless. Being in love with the world leads to unhappiness. I live a blessed life and feeling sorry for yourself is an ugly trait. Moving on will come with time. In the mean time, I feel a little the way it felt when someone broke up with you in high school.

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