Thinking about my husband and I's plan for baby number two makes me a bit batty. The first twelve or more weeks being pregnant with Jack was basically the worst experience of my entire life. I held down the puke the few times the nausea started to get the best of me which was good I guess but didn't take away from the fact that I was in a 24/7 worst hangover ever for 12 weeks! I cried constantly. I was so fatigued. I could not do anything. It was all I could do to make it to work and get home. Thank God I worked in the dumbest job ever sales office (that I don't even list on my resume and I won't state in this post). There was basically no work ever but I had to be there. I cannot tell a lie, I actually would crawl under my desk in the corner of my cube and try to sleep.
You know what, I was going to go into listing all of the other horrific experiences but the thought of reminiscing is seriously stressing me out. Long story short, it was the worst experience of my life. I would rather go through labor again. I vowed I would never, ever put myself through that again. But we really want another child.
To get to the point. I am starting to get serious anxiety about knowingly putting myself through that again. Fearful. My Mom assures me that every pregnancy is different but I know it could be the same or worse. So, I'm taking this time to build my body up. As much as I possibly can. Abstain from processed sugars. Be consistent with vitamins and supplements. Exercise. And pray.
I've just arrived back to Seattle from San Diego and I'm a toxic mess. Slightly, just slightly, reminiscent of how I felt those dreaded 12 weeks. I can't say that I eat perfectly but I make a real conscious effort to only use organic and high quality ingredients and mostly eat at home. I don't drink soda. So, when I ate out every meal and drank ice cold Coke (because Coke always tastes the same even when water does not), it left me feeling just yuck. I am not myself even as I write this. I am off. I hate being off. I strive to always take care of myself so that I can be high functioning always and when I am not it is a BIG deal to me. I hate it.
Anywho, I have a list of favorite real food and natural health bloggers that I follow and I'm hoping this one in particular can really point me in the right direction to feel better this next time around. It's the Mommypotamus blog. Please, oh please, Lord show me some wisdom in this blog!!