The Emerald Girl

casual. classic. curious.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

How to Make Your Husband Fulfill All of Your Life Dreams

This is probably one of the biggest skills I learned in 2013 and it has been one of the most successful tools to having a happy marriage that I have found to date. The answer is simple: don't have any expectations. I mean this in all seriousness. I don't mean that you shouldn't care about what your husband does and is going to do. You should. But place all of your expectations, hopes and dreams upon God. Not your husband. Put your trust in God and He will provide for you everything your heart desires in accordance with His will. All the things you want your husband to do, all the things you don't want him to do, all the desires you want him to have, all of the desires you don't want him to have, all your hopes, dreams and goals - just give them all to God. When you are done praying daily for the things you wish your husband would do or would be, make sure you pray that God would change your heart and fill you up with joy and gratefulness for the wonderful husband that you do have. The perfect husband that He created just for you. Then pray that God would show you, teach you and mold you into the wife that your husband needs and wants. Trust in God. Pray everyday. Give all of your thoughts to Him. Don't hold your husband responsible for the life that you want; ask God to give you the life He has planned for you. Pray when you are mad. Pray when you are angry. Pray when you are upset. Pray when you would really rather not. This is good work for a happy marriage. When you place your trust and place your expectations on God instead of your husband, you will find a peace that surpasses all understanding. There you have it - the answer to making your husband into the man that you want. Easy peasy.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

I am a GREAT photographer

Recently I had the great opportunity to photograph one of my friends new baby. She is so adorable. But it made me think. I don't mind taking pictures of babies. My specialty, the thing that really excites me is shooting couples and weddings. People just assume, oh you take pictures, can you take pictures of my family or my kids or my baby and the REAL reason why I always hesitate is because I feel like I suck. There are only so many hours in a day and so many less hours in a day once you have kids so my ability to really focus and get better in all aspects of photography is extremely limited. I like making a really beautiful image. It makes me excited. Whether it be at a wedding, of a couple or a new baby it really doesn't matter. Artists have this really amazing ability to convince themselves that they suck and that they cannot move forward. I'm in that place. Hard. It sucks. I'm practically paralyzed. I still have so much to learn even though I've learned a lot already. But so much to learn and that can be overwhelming. Wouldn't life be grand if I could make pictures for my one and only job? (Well, that and cute collage art). The more people who see my work, the more people who want me to take their family photos. Aaaackkkk!! Literally, it paralyzes me. I hate to say yes and in fact I try to sway people away by saying that I mostly do weddings or I'm not that great etc. But I also feel like I can't say no. I can't let people down. I can't let myself self-sabotage. Then, sometimes after booking a client I want to cry. I'm so worried of failing. So worried that a client will HATE my images and hate the experience and regret booking me. I need to surround myself with positive affirmations. I need to. I am a photographer. I am a good photographer. People like my work. I like my work. My photography is valuable. OK, like a mantra. Let's do this!

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Am I Snobby?

Last week I finally got a glimpse into what other people perceive of who I am upon first look. Sophisticated and snobby. In other words: bitch. Well, I knew it. I blame it on my shyness. Sophisticated means very complex or having acquired wordly knowledge or refinement. (Source) I'm a girl. And I write a blog. I think we can all assume I am complex. Haha! All in all the definition isn't bad. Snobby on the other hand. That is a different story. I'm one of the least snobby people I know. Because I am shy, it makes me socially awkward in the sense that I don't often know how to talk to people I don't know and I don't know what to talk to them about. I would like to though. As much as I enjoy writing, I would enjoying talking. It's something I am working on. Let me say that the person who did tell me this, said it on the context of saying I was actually nothing like what one might think of me upon first meeting. So basically I'm like a present. Don't judge me by my pretty wrapping paper?? It helps me to remember not to do the same for other people that I perceive to be pretty, well put together and not exuding a real welcoming presence. They might be shy too. I find that most people are insecure or shy or worried about something or other that prevents them from being friendly. I don't want to be that person. It only promotes more of that same thing. Be friendly. SMILE at other people you walk by. Say HELLO! It's 99.99% more likely that the other person enjoys your friendliness and is not thinking anything weird or negative about you. If I ever see you and we don't know each other or we don't know each other well, please say hello and talk to me. We can all work on breaking out of our shell together. We can all spread cheer and donate a minute or less than a minute of time each day to brighten someone else's day.

Here's a really good example: Gail Simmons. I am not part of the "food" world so I can't tell you what she actually does, but she also judges on Top Chef. The first several seasons, I wasn't very fond of her. She just came off snobby and uptight and just something about her rubbed me the wrong way. Now, this was TV, so I know we are really only getting a pretty one sided view of people. But then she changed. It happened after she got married from what I can tell. I don't know if that was just a coincidence but she really changed. She now seems super welcoming and fun and friendly. So, we can change how people perceive us. I'm guessing she was always this fun and friendly gal but maybe she was acting in a certain way as a judge and really started to realize she wasn't coming off as likable so actively changed how she was was on camera etc. Or I could be totally wrong about this...

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

A Solo Show Affair

Saturday night was the best. Though my neighborhood of Seattle is known for the night life, I am not a night lifer. I went to a show at Neumos. It was a Max Bemis solo show but I went to see Merriment and Perma. The Dupree sisters from Eisly and their other sister are so magical. I would not classify myself as a "fanatic" but I do really enjoy them. The girls' IG accounts (Sherri and Christie) are full of lovely every day adventures and I so admire their family bonds.
My older sister came on over and we walked half a mile to the venue where we then waited in line over an hour. Waiting is worth it when you know you will get a better spot. I've never been to this venue so I was excited to find out we could stand upstairs. We had the best spot in the house IMO. A little ledge that came out by itself. Like we had our own opera box. No obstructions and not far away from the stage. 
This is Christie Dupree of Merriment. 

This is Sherri Dupree Bemis and Max Bemis of perma. 
It was good. So good. Great. We heard some new music from artists we hadn't heard before and that was good too. But mostly it was fun seeing my IG friends come to life on stage.

Afterwards we ran home to stay warm. 

PS I know the pics aren't that great = iPhone and not enough light.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Consuming < Creating

One of my 2014 goals is to consume less, create more. I'm hoping my social media free weekends help to achieve that. Besides the fact that consuming these days is completely overwhelming - it's also incredibly time sucking. They should call Pinterest the time warp that leads to nowhere. Or TWTLTN. Seriously. Instagram is the hi I'm doing something amazing and I have an amazing family and friend selection. Do you? Facebook has been completely worthless to me for at least the past 1.5 years though these days I try to post an update on the daily just to remind people that I am still alive and I take pictures and blog. Everytime I want to read a blog, I will remind myself that instead I actually want to write a blog. Everytime I want to look at pictures of cool home interiors, I will say to myself 'hey, you should take some pics of your own home that you love'. I can't go on climbing the ladder of consumerism. Because, guess what, the ladder leads to nowhere. And the ladder isn't even fun. Let's be honest. Creating (or spending time with loved ones) does lead somewhere and it is fun and fulfilling. Part of this goal is to have one night a week with no tv. I didn't write this next part down but I've already been in the practice of only one hour of tv a day. It's a life sucking source and I could be saying yes to so many other things if I wasn't wrapped up in some evening drama (that will also not add any value to my life). But hey, Revenge is on, it's Sunday night and I am on day 3 of the stomach flu. I keep trying spell flu like flue. On to better days tomorrow!

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Loveable Walkable

Nothing beats the convenience of being able to walk everywhere. Meaning basically everything I could want is always within walking distance. When you live in the suburbs or small towns, you rely on driving heavily. Speaking from my own experience growing up in a suburb I can say that it's like you don't even realize there is a whole world out there where people don't ever have to drive. (Except on occasion of course and that's mostly to visit family and friends that live in said suburbs). Movie theatre, grocery store, drug store, restaurants, coffee shops, bakeries, bowling, parks, gift store, salon, the list seriously goes on. Capitol Hill has a walk score of 90%. I often wonder why it's not 100%. What else does a person need? When I'm at work in the downtown area (with a 98% walk score), I have Target, Whole Foods, and loads of everything else that I already listed above. I could get away without having a car. City living is one of the most economical living choices. Use less gas, spend less on auto related activities. Going out is not a hassle. There is so much less stress. Got a baby. No problem. Just plop him into a stroller or a baby carrier and don't mess with those annoying car seats. Places are open late. One of the great things about Seattle is that we have so many walkable neighborhoods. And the neighborhoods are not just apartments. Living in the city does not mean you have to live in a condo or an apartment. This is really not relevant but I'm a huge fan of small numbered addresses. Something about a 123 16th Ave East address is so vintage. Oh and the street numbers actually make sense.

20 Little Things About Me

I saw this going around the blog world here. It reminded me of the early days of MySpace and I thought it would be fun to do.

ONE | I always only wash and rinse one foot at a time in the shower for fear I may slip and die

TWO | Another shower tidbit. I dry completely off before stepping onto the rug. I hate when the bathroom rug is wet. 

THREE | I find bookstores to be one of the most magical places in the world even though I don't read as often as I would like. 

FOUR | I have a deep desire for my life to run like a well oiled machine. Everything always in its place, planned perfectly and that that would lead to the most stress free life. 

FIVE | Like the author, Jen Hatmaker, I often feel at odds with the different personalities in my head. Ms. Be resourceful and save the environment often collides with Ms. Get things done as quickly as possible. 

SIX | I have recently decided that I no longer will drink alcohol. And alcoholics will get a laugh at this but my reason is because though I don't consider myself an alcoholic now, I did in fact used to be one and I'd rather steer clear of that for good and be a pillar of strength for my little boy. 

SEVEN | I find people who are late to be the most irritating, careless, selfish, rude people. 

EIGHT | I'm forever grateful to Jesus, my savior. 

NINE | At 13, my sister, cousin, friend and I had decided to form a girl band and we were all going to marry a Hanson brother.  One small problem. Do the math. 

TEN | I'd be forever happy in a small apartment in the city. 

ELEVEN | Valentines Day is my favorite holiday. Who doesn't love red, pink, hearts and happy flowers?

TWELVE | Once while babysitting I spotted another sister of mine making out with a boy in our backyard in the trampoline. 

THIRTEEN | It's not that I want to lose such and such pounds but I would love to just be really fit and toned. 

FOURTEEN | I just like happy things. 

FIFTEEN | Martha Stewart makes me happy. I think I should listen to that little homemaker business woman voice inside of me. 

SIXTEEN | No one really close to me has ever died. I've lived a blessed life but I fear I live a bit in lalaland that anyone ever will. 

SEVENTEEN | My iPhone often auto corrects the word life to love. But not always. 

EIGHTEEN | I once read that all great geniuses peak during the early to mid twenties. I'm worried I'll never be a genius. 

NINETEEN | You know Sir Mix A Lot? I live right off of Broadway. But his posse was before my time. 

TWENTY | My random thought of the day (well, one of them) was what if this weirdo sitting behind me on the bus cut off a chunk of my hair. (I'm always worried someone siting behind me will do that). At that point I thought I would then chop it all off and hope it was long enough to donate to locks of love. 

Saturday, January 11, 2014

God > my plans?

The truth is that I'm afraid I won't get everything that I want the way I planned it if I give it all to God. Like, I can say in my head over and over that God's plan is better and that He will provide the life that is just right for me but the rest of me just doesn't buy it. I have a lot of anxiety in my life right now. A lot if unknown and uncertainty. I really don't know how I'll ever have the picture perfect life I have in my head. It seems IMPOSSIBLE. And this is just the honest truth. So my prayer is not only that God would give me everything I want (you can laugh here) but that he would help me to let go and let God. That I would truly and deeply trust him. That I would have deep satisfaction with what I do have and with whatever he does bless my life with. I'm not kidding about my anxiety. I cannot sleep. Aside from the fact that I could be lacking in some serious vitamin supplements, my only other thought as to what it is that keeps me from getting true rest is the worry about how I will get that life that I want. How will I make enough money to have another kid?  To have a house? To put Jack and said other kid through school (private is necessary if we can't buy house in nice enough area)? To not have to work full time so that I can be there for said kids and learn to cook dinner for my family and keep the house tidy all week? I'm exhausted and I don't know where to begin. It seems impossible. Houses where I come from are freakin expensive to say the least. I wish money wasn't always the missing link. It would make it a heck of a lot more easier to not care so much about it. I wish choices were easier and I wish that God made His plan known. Some days im a lot better at being right where I am but this anxiety has been around a few weeks now. I'm tired.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Life Seasons

It was as if time stopped today. It wasn't Thursday. It was just in the moment as is.  And it felt so good. Matt was in bed all day with the stomach flu and Jack was running around same as ever with the stomach flu. How I have managed to escape said bug is beyond me but I do pray that I continue to evade it. Today was just a sweet pause. I even had time to make a cute little valentines day heart garland.
My favorite holiday of all. I'm ending the evening by watching Little People. The kids have grown. Just watching this makes me realize that when you're the kid in that transition you just don't realize the magnitude. When you move out, your life is forever changed. You don't live with you siblings. You don't live with you parents. And...your parents no longer have kids at home. I know. Real shocker. But it's interesting to relive moments with a new perspective. Seeing it with a new understanding. The Little People parents have a marriage that has deteriorated. I wonder what's next for them. It makes me really worried and sad for when Jack is finally grown and moved out. I know it has to happen and of course I will spend the next 20 years preparing Jack to be a strong man.  But. Well I don't know. It's just weird. 

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

One of those kind of days

It has seriously just been one of those kind of days. That you wish would just end. As swiftly as possible. At the office - all I wanted to do was come home and cry. I arrived at work when I got the first text that Jack had just thrown up. He is almost two and he has never thrown up ever. He has explosive you know what and later he throws up again. Though I am not home, he is in good spirits and running around with his nanny. Still, I can't stop thinking about him. Work is literally piling up. Crazy how on Monday you can feel like you might get a chance to catch up on stuff and then a few hours later you realize you won't be able to touch that stuff until you finish this new stuff. It is quite disheartening. Mistakes. Late deadlines. It's enough to make it just not fun at all. Period. There is no satisfaction. The office day came to an end. I wait for the bus. I wait and wait and wait. A group of teenagers arrive to wait for a bus. They are arguing loudly. And begin smoking weed. How lovely. Finally the bus arrives. There is a strange electric chemical smell and some people around me are so worried that they get off the bus. A couple stops later, the bus driver announces there are some problems and he has to pull over and wait for help. The only good thing is that he had already driven up the hill, so as I walk home in the rain at least I don't have to go up a steep hill. I quite like the rain anyhow. I don't put my hood on. The rain feels so good pouring down on me. It's real. I wondered if the kids that were fighting might pull out a gun. Once in a criminal class I took in college, I read that the group of people (which I think was like white middle class women aged 25-55 or something) that was statistically least likely to be the victim of a crime actually worry more about being a victim than other groups. I know that's me. It's also one reason I feel it's important to raise Jack in the city. I don't want him to be fearful of the unknown. Growing up in upper middle class suberbs can really kill a persons perspective. The week is more than half way over. Thank you God.